(82) Live!

Living life to its fullest is more important than a long life without living!


Living and love are essential themes in our existence. And above all, real life and true love are now rather lacking in our world. In our existence, living and love are in my opinion too important to waste.

Despite all the sadness around us and all the loss we must deal with personally, whatever the cause may be, it is important to proceed with our real life and true love. By continuing with our life this way, we honor and thank all those we have lost. In addition, we also owe them for the lessons we have learned from them, especially when we use these lessons for the benefit of ourselves… and for the world around us.

However difficult the situation is in your life, know that relationships with loved ones, friends and girlfriends come and go. Some relationships are for life… or for eternity. Other relationships exist only for certain periods. These relationships are from my point of view intended to learn from each other in life… and from life… whatever that may be. When we have learned everything from each other and it doesn’t matter what and how much, then our paths-of-life separate and we may meet each other again in the future.

For this reason alone, it is important not to get stuck in your grief. In mine opinion, it is better to get everything out of life then to have a long life without really living!

It is easily said, to do it is a different matter. By assessing everything in a positive way… however difficult that may be… eventually you start to proceed with your life again… and you will arrive wherever you want to be.

It is not necessary to put everything into actions immediately. Your attitude alone is more than sufficient to ensure that you even unconsciously carry out those actions that are in line with everything you feel.

But having that said…

There are people in our world, many people, who have hardly anything to eat today and they don’t know whether there is something to eat tomorrow… let alone… the day after tomorrow. People, who have no idea today whether they will wake up the next morning. People who need to live, possibly for years, in the most miserable if not horrific conditions. People who must survive every day, every hour, every minute… which is the only thing they can do! And those people you’re going to tell that they should consider or assess their life in a positive way? Those people you’re going to tell that they should get every possible thing out of their lives? They don’t understand what you are talking about… because, it’s the only thing they are doing already! Every day they get out of life what’s in it for them… how meager that might be! For them is all they have, there is nothing else!

In a nutshell, just as these people… and like my daughter in her short life… I will literally get everything out of life that it’s in for me. You might find me arrogant, but a long life without really living and truly loving I consider as… a wasted life!

And suddenly, to me death is not important anymore! What really matters is to get everything out of life that is humanly possible for me… every day… for the rest of my life… and maybe even after that!

(81) Insecurity

The first lesson I want to share with you is that I’m preparing myself for the worst case that can happen to me. I’ve always done that in my life. And anything that can be deleted from my list during the coming months and weeks are an improvement… as if it’s a small event that can be celebrated.


The contribution of this blog was delayed by about a week. Unfortunately, there was a reason for that.

It seems like I’m sitting in roller-coaster again lately: sharp curves, loopings, and steeply going up and down with high speeds. I realize that on the one hand it sounds exciting and the other hand it has something like… what are talking about and what is the emotion that dominates? Is it fear… or is it anger about a possible loss?

Personally, I’ve an idea how long I’ve left to live. I expect that more people have an estimate about how old the will become. But even if you don’t have, how do you respond when you are being told that that moment could sooner than you would expect… even much earlier? That you are told it would be good to prepare for this. How would you respond? What will do in the mean time?

What would you do if you were told that due to a medical procedure there’s a high risk of paralysis of parts of your body or a damage to your brains? And how would you prepare for this?

What would you still like to achieve in your life? You even may have a bucket-list with everything you want to do that is important to you. How would you deal with those items… you can’t do any more… no matter how much you would like to do so?

For me personally these are no imaginary questions. These are concrete questions I need to answer because there’s an aneurysm in my aorta which needs to be removed at some point of time. So yes, again I’m sitting in a roller-coaster: sharp curves, loopings, and steeply going up and down with high speeds! And yes, I’m afraid of about what can happen when I’m not able to make decisions anymore… and anger about topics that are on my bucket-list but can’t realize anymore.

Well, there you are…

It took a while but in the meantime the calm has returned in my head again… although it’s a different kind of calmness… it feels as acceptance, surrender and above all an in and in deep tranquility. And I notice that with this kind calmness… I’m starting to change again! I can’t really explain this, perhaps never, but the change feels very delightful. It’s like that old coat that feels so comfy when you put it on again.

My interest and attention begins to focus more and more on those things that really do matter in life. The is ballast to me and a waste of time. Wow… I’m behaving like my daughter! She did so too during her short life.

I’m using more and more my gut feeling ans start to discover that my soul is in communication with my brain and my heart and when in harmony we can do great things together. The future will teach me what those great things will be. And I expect that the lessons I will learn based on the possible consequences of the coming surgeries will play a major role.

As with the loss of a loved one you also meet people who tell you it’s not all that bad. People who have no idea what it’s about and at the same are telling you shouldn’t treat it so gloomy. You come across people who withdraw themselves when they start to understand what is going to happen to you. And fortunately, you also meet people who are ready to support you one way or the other and are even disappointed when you keep them off somewhat.

On the other hand, and it even may sound bizarre to you, I believe that the aneurysm in my aorta and the removal of this has prompted me into new learning curves. One curve on which I learn how to deal with the fact that the end of my life on Earth could be much closer than I would expect. And a learning curve where I learn what else I could do when it’s impossible to realize all topics on my bucket-list.

The first lesson I want to share with you is that I’m preparing myself for the worst case that can happen to me. I’ve always done that in my life. And anything that can be deleted from my list during the coming months and weeks are an improvement… as if it’s a small event that can be celebrated.

It goes without saying that the above experiences and preparations are different for each of us. Yet, during the coming months I’m going to share my experiences with you in the hope you can use these somehow when you find yourself in a similar situation.

I would like to hear your experiences and opinions on this topic. Would you help me with this?

(80) A Choice On My Path-Of-Life

Well, there you are. How do I go on from here?


About ‘choices’ and ‘making choices’ I’ve written more often. The topic interests me and I would like to get in touch with people who needed to make, or have been involved in, a distressing choice in their life. I have the need to write several blogs about this topic with the expectation that people could use these for support or guidance.

An example for clarification.

Some time ago I was informed by the Cardiologist that test results showed that I have an aneurysm in the aorta. At that time, it was not entirely clear where the aneurysm was precisely sitting in my aorta. Earlier tests before and after my open-heart-surgeries didn’t show any sign of an aneurysm and my Cardiologist didn’t justify the current situation. In short, an additional test and an appointment for a follow-up consultation were rapidly ordered.

Well, there you are. In a short time, my world can be completely turned upside down. The latter happened so often in my life that I should be able to cope with that… should be able to deal with it. Though this time the argument of staying here or leave was approaching fast. And, what never happened before… this time I got stressed out and I couldn’t produce anything anymore… my world… stopped turning… completely.

I started wondering why my response to the given situation now was so different.

At the moment, it feels for me that I’m walking on the correct path-of-life. But I also feel that I must make a few important choices in my life soon. One of those choices is linked to the aneurysm in my aorta. In the case the aneurysm is sitting in the bend of the aorta (where the arteries to the heart and the brain are sitting) then there would be a considerable risk that my brain could be damaged because of the surgery. What do I want to do in that case? What decision am I going to make? I’m not sure yet. In any case I don’t want to become a ‘vegetable!’

I also feel that I’m yet able to, and allowed to carry out several more tasks in this life. And when I’m allowed to decide this I’m going to do that. However, my body should be able to cope with that too.

Well, there you are. How do I go on from here?

It goes without saying that there exist several reasons why people need to make distressing choices. I have the need to write several blogs about this topic with the expectation that people could use these for support or guidance. Therefor I would like to get in touch with people who needed to make, or have been involved, in a distressing choice in their life.

You can contact me by using the site’s contact form.

(79) Choices… Choices… Choices…


In everyday life, we make consciously and unconsciously many choices. In one case, it’s crystal clear what choice to make, in the other case the choice is far from certain, let alone that you understand the consequences of your choice… or… that you even can make a choice.

During bereavement emotions add another dimension. Decision-making is not becoming easier… on the contrary. In addition to that these choices have most of the time an impact on your path-of-life.

I used to think that making a choice is just like when you’re standing on a crossroads. You see different streets coming together at the crossroads. In the streets, you can see what’s out there but the view is limited. And beyond is uncharted territory. And yes… how do you proceed from here?

  • You can make a choice based on what you initially see. And accept the unknown for what it is and what it represents.
  • You can make a choice based on your sense of direction in which you feel your destination is. And accept the street and the unknown for what they are and for what they represent.
  • Perhaps there’s a bench where you can sit at the crossroads. Where you can contemplate how to proceed. Where you can weigh all cons and pros for the different choices that are available to you until you’re sure of your choice.

You’re not proceeding with your life when you’re not making choices. And, you’ll never get total certainty for any choice you make. After all, things that were originally hidden when you made your choice are becoming visible once you’ve put your first steps again. Hence, there is no point in reasoning out (in detail) what steps you should take… but do listen carefully to your feeling.

In my opinion everyone has a purpose in life. However, that purpose is not important… what important is, is the path you’ve followed to accomplish your purpose. And in particularly the lessons you’ve learned and still learn on your path are important.

To reach your goal you’ll have to make choices to move forward in life. What those choices are? That’s not for me. That’s up to you! You are responsible for the choices you make in your life. It also means that you must accept the consequences of a choice made… after all it’s your choice.

What I’ve learned so far is that it really doesn’t matter what choice you make to achieve your goal. When you keep making choices you reach your goal eventually anyway. Only the road towards it is different. One way is harder or longer than the other way. What is important, is to have confidence that the path you’ve selected is the proper path.

It also amazes me time and time again is that you unwind once you’ve made your choice. You’ve put a step forward. And whatever the situation was where you’re coming from… or maybe even still is… you’ve put a step… a step forward. And with that you opened new opportunities to move forward in life. Make sure you make use of what you discover… what you see… what you get… what you receive… what you feel. Exploit it fully! Get all out of it!

Maybe you’ll discover at some point in time that you’ve learned new things, new capabilities… something that you otherwise never would’ve done…something that might be a revelation for you… something that made you happy (again)!

But please do realize that it’s your own responsibility to make and to keep making your choices, how difficult and annoying that every time may be, to achieve your goal on your path-of-life.

(78) Farewell

She was done with it. Her life had been a long struggle, a fight against that debilitating disease and against the ignorance of people. She was all done!


She was done with it. Her life had been a long struggle, a fight against that debilitating disease and against the ignorance of people. She was all done!

She had learned a lot in this life. That people couldn’t understand, or couldn’t accept how ill she was and how hard that was for her. Most just said that she was a beautiful young woman. Those people only saw the outside. Those people never saw who she really was.

Despite everything she had done during her life, she had made every effort within her capabilities. She had fought so hard to accomplish everything time and time again. She had learned a great deal in this life. It hadn’t been in vain.

There was nothing more for her to do. She had done everything she could do. She was ready to leave!

She had said her goodbyes to all her friends. That day had been tough for everyone. Not just to her friends and her family, but most of all to herself. She was tired. Soo very tired!

She was ready with her life here on Earth. She was ready for the journey. She wanted to go to that other side. She wanted to leave.

But, something held her back. She still hadn’t said her goodbyes to her mother… and… her father. They hadn’t yet given her permission to leave. They still couldn’t let her go.

She was so tired… real tired. She wanted so badly to start her journey. She was ready to go.

There came a moment, that the father said to the mother while their daughter was peacefully asleep and yet seemed to hear everything… There came a moment the father said that it was fine for him. That it was okay for her to go. That it didn’t matter how long it would still take for her to start her journey. It was all right!

The father went home. He was tired of managing all that was necessary so her friends could say their farewells. It had been one of the toughest tasks in his life. No one had any idea how cruel that task had been to him and how tired he was. Soo tired… dead tired.

As he drove home, she ‘joined’ him in the car to say her goodbye. She was happy that he allowed her to leave. Extremely happy. She was ready with her life on this Earth. She wanted so badly to leave for the other side where she could meet everyone again. Where it would be a feast for her. Without that sick body. Without all those limitations.

Yes, while he was driving home she came for him to say her farewell.

It was a great feeling. As if his daughter was again sitting next to him. He became peaceful… and that moment… she left.

The father was called. He should come to the hospital. It didn’t go well with her.

He saw his daughter in the arms of his wife. A heartbreaking mother… with a broken heart… her daughter had died in her arms.

He saw a joyful daughter in her arms.

A daughter who was so happy that she was finally on her way. That she was finally rid of that body she had struggled with all her life, that had caused her so many problems. That she had finished a life where so many hadn’t understood who she really was. She was so happy that she had got everything, really everything, out of her life that was ultimately and humanly possible for her… it was okay.

She was happy she was finally on her way. She is a happy… spirit!