(20) Can You Prepare Yourself For An Impending Departure?

Can You Prepare Yourself For An Impending Departure?  It helps tremendously when you have experienced this before.

Dear Readers,

The question arises regularly, whether it is possible for yourself or each other to prepare for an imminent departure. Paradoxical as it is, many answers can be given to this and many approaches are available, and yet… when that question is raised… then you don’t know how to respond at that moment… let alone how to answer.

Suppose that either of you, or perhaps both, would like to talk about the impending departure, then about which topics do you want to talk or discuss. Is it about the everyday things like how to manage your finances or … do you want the other for looking for another buddy or … how do you prepare yourself for the emotions of an impending loss and subsequent grief and bereavement for each of you, or … is it that you do not want to deal with these issues all together and you just whish to get everything out of life while you still can?

I myself have often told how I would respond in a situation like that. And you know what… once that happened, I reacted in totally differently way than I initially thought and expected.

Nobody knows how he or she responds when the fact is there, and the other has left. It could just be that you respond completely differently than you expected or was intended to respond as a result of your preparations. That you therefore think that you do not respond the way you should as you were taught by following a procedure or a standard. It would only provide you with more grief because you think for yourself: “Do I have besides the sadness and emotions of the departure of the other also that I do not respond in a ‘normal’ or expected way. As if my grief is not yet big enough. ”

From the foregoing, you could conclude that a preparation for the impending departure of the other person has no use to you other than getting most out of your life. The latter you should be doing every day anyway.

It is indeed possible to prepare yourself for an imminent departure. My daughter knew that she would not live long. We tried to prepare her for what would eventually happen. Our daughter was also spiritually minded and knew very early in her life that much more existed between Heaven and Earth. She was not afraid of death. At the end of her life she even looked forward to be allowed to leave to the other universe because she would get rid of a disease she had to carry her whole life. My daughter considered her departure as a party. And we, we were happy for her, for us it was in a way also a relief because we had the feeling throughout her life that each year could be her last. And yet, there was also sadness even though all what should be said, was said, and everything that should be done, was done. It was OK the way it was.

We all were always conscious preparing each other for the departure of our daughter. Each method is good as long as it’s your method, your way of working, your way of processing and there is only one who knows how to do that and that’s you.

Looking back to the time when my deceased wife was still alive, I would like to address things quite differently now. Only, at that time she would have none of it, did not want to talk about it. And with that I also come to the conclusion that if you want to prepare for the impending departure, then both of you should be willing to do so from deep within your hart.

A conclusion I also would like to draw, maybe it’s a lesson, is that it helps tremendously when you have experienced this before.

Author: Hans Fransen

Founder of the Mourn & Grief Foundation

You would make my day when you respond to this post

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.