(121) Theme: “Narcis-Me”

A note in advance.
The original language for this blog is the Dutch language. The Dutch word “narcisme” translates as narcissism which as a word alone sounds vehemently and, it is. When you divide “narcisme” in two parts like “Narcis-Me” then the first part “Narcis” translates as Daffodil, the beautiful flower. The second part “Me” is like its English version. For the translation into English I decided to use “Narcis-Me” as much as possible. When you, the Reader, see a better way to phrase this in English I’m always open to suggestions. You can find the Dutch version of the blog here.
The first part of this blog explains the theme “Narcis-Me” to the reader.

Dealing with narcissism leads to difficult choices. Think in Black and White or at least in colours! This blog approaches narcissism in a distinct way. The blog consists of several parts, each of which can be accessed separately via one of the links below.

Narcis-MeThe theme sounds quite vehement as a word alone and that makes it difficult to put down on paper what this means. The following came up.
PoemPiece by piece I hand in …
PoemStanding alone in the rain …
InspirationYou get a new idea like a whisper in your heart. Listen and do something. This is inspiration from above.
AchievementsTake the time to reflect on what you have achieved so far. It is often easy to forget where you started and how far you have come. Recognize the special journey your life is and be thankful for it.
AdventureHeart & Soul: When making decisions, consider what your Heart and Soul tell you. Sometimes our mind can deceive us. Choose from Love, not Fear.
Theme Narcis-Me

After a special exchange of words, I was asked to write about this topic. I had already had a few days I couldn’t commit myself to it because the theme sounds quite vehement as a word alone. That makes it quite difficult to put down on paper what this means. This word refers to people who, just like you and me, have come into the world as a sweet little soul, uninhibited, open and innocent looking at the big world around them to find his or her way and develop themselves into what it has come for.

How is it possible, then, if you look at the word that makes it so complex? In my mind kept coming up, imagine if you were going to dissect this word, what does it say? “Narcis-Me.“ What does that do to you? 

From Innocence to Knocked Out Self-esteem

What comes up first is the word “Narcis” (i.e. Daffodil, the Narcissist part), the beautiful flower in all its glory in different sizes and colours, but next to it I see the word “Me”, which of  course stands for the word “I”. ”

They both represent nature, which is within us, which is around us and which provides us with nourishment, love, trust, freedom, togetherness and so much more to grow into that beautiful Narcis (i.e. Daffodil), uninhibited, in innocence to the gathering of your name, your identity, Your Being.

A child’s innocence lies in not yet having knowledge, not yet having an identity that will only be given later. A child lives from his feelings and just knows. What we can enjoy with children is also one of the first things we strip away. Where there is trust and unconditional love it makes room for mistrust and insecurities.

Gradually you see that what you have amassed is not everything that you really are, what you Soul tells you, as this is just your packaging, and that that beautiful coloured gift paper that you have been given or that you have achieved changes into a form, in a way that is very far away from that nature, from that narcissist and here the word is merged into one word Narcissism; which in the end belongs to a very different order than the beautiful Narcis (i.e. Daffodil) that everyone wants to become and be, together with the freedom to be yourself.

Through all kinds of circumstances, the nature within you is disturbed by events that have damaged your self-confidence, by imposed behaviour, by feeling trapped in another being, by abuse of trust, by feeding fears, but also by not looking inside you anymore, by not having to feel your Heart anymore, by not having to listen to your Soul anymore, by losing your ¨Me¨ the Narcis (i.e. Daffodil, the  Narcissist part) is nourished leaving only space to show the outside that has been learned from survival by a defensive tactic. This exterior looks very social, helpful, understanding, caring and above all very charming in empathy which fools the other person into believing that they have a high level of self-confidence and are convinced that they are enormously important.

Deep inside, they are constantly looking for confirmation of that feeling, a feeling of broken self-esteem. It seems as if they have a high self-confidence, but often that self-confidence is particularly vulnerable. It is a persistent behaviour that cannot be changed just like that.

From integrity to use an other effortless

A second word that comes up is the word “Integrity.”

Be flexible but also true to yourself. If you stay true to your beliefs and values, others will support you and believe in you.

How is it possible that this word, which is very noble and often seen as a distinctiveness by people who admire others who, on the contrary, have integrity? However, in the case of the word ‘Narcissism’, it has a completely different meaning. We soon think they are selfish; they only think of themselves; they often need a lot of attention & admiration to find themselves worthwhile. They feel that they are more entitled to this attention & admiration because of their uniqueness and certain privileges they only deserve that others don’t have. They usually feel elevated above others and some of them will “use” another effortlessly when they can improve themselves.

Are you born or made like a narcissist?

The following question arouses my curiosity: Are you born or made like a narcissist?

A very difficult and complex question, where on the one hand the thought emerges; if we believe in the innocence and open-mindedness of a soul that on Mother Earth itself has chosen to be born to these parents, in this particular place with a final destination determined far back in Time, and on the other hand the thought; the very place where you are born, the very place you are born to, with this final destination in it, a form that has already been cast by the Way this soul wanted and wants to walk. Is this behaviour part of it, is this the blueprint he or she has been given, or has it been developed by the circumstances that led the Way to believe, where your cradle stands, with whom you have chosen to develop into that beautiful Soul, that beautiful Narcis (i.e. Daffodil), that beautiful ME, that makes you shine and shows your final destination that you had in mind. Is something triggered just like other diseases that develop through sadness, fear, or heredity?

A very double feeling, because if the Narcissist was born that way, or is made that way, what about the other one, who as it were burns down your name, your identity, your Soul like a house, YOUR SHELL that  gave you security, your trust, your own  value. Is this also found by this innocent, uninhibited soul to have to walk this path.

I have not yet figured it out, because the path we are supposed to take is only YOUR PATH, but at the end of the day we need the other one to be allowed to take this path and the nature of this path, the shape of this path, is YOU at the end of the day!

A feeling of emptiness

I feel a feeling of EMPTINESS in both the Narcist who tries to fill in this EMPTINESS by seeing the other as His Nutrition, as His Love, as His Own Love, as His Nurture that was missing or missing in his eyes. For there are also theories that a narcissist can also be formed by a loving family, by having received that very attention and admiration. That piece of safety, security and trust that makes his Heart bleed and his Soul dance. He is surviving and the vulnerable in society do not survive just by saying ‘yes’ and ‘amen’, just by adapting to the other, by completely eliminating yourself from nobility, from politeness, from how it should be, they are levelled down, they  are mowed away and are not seen, not heard.

This EMPTINESS that is as it were nourished & filled in one person, is getting bigger and bigger in the other, because it is just NOT seen, heard, seen as strong, is not seen as a person, but as PREY and as it goes in nature, the vulnerable are eaten and the strongest survive. THE CIRCLE OF LIFE!

How can it happen that you allow this to happen?

How can it happen that you allow this to happen? You are always a Strong person, you are there for everyone, you know what to do, you stand your ground, you are happy with your life you have achieved and you have confidence in yourself.

Surely it is predestined that you, as a Soul, should or should have to go through this in order to finally see the Way, follow it and only then can the message be received clearly and unequivocally as a gift in this coloured piece of paper that dances around you like a Rainbow and the NARCIS in you does not receive the right nourishment, love, attention to die, is that the intention?

A path of change

Hopefully there will come a point of reflection, of insight from your deepest I, which was very well hidden because it was afraid, insecure, anxious to show itself, but by admitting this Soul again step by step, listening in Silence to this Voice, to your own deepest desire in all innocence there will be a change.

There is only one way to achieve this wonderful experience and that is by letting go of everything that has been given to you, throwing it away, throwing this I away and making room for that Soul who is waiting for your warm hands, for your beautiful Voice to take her to a safe & confidential place, where she can express herself, where she can be herself, where she can show herself, where she can make herself heard as it is meant to be.

Your name, your identity, the knowledge you have gradually acquired is hidden under a layer of thick dust, which only you are allowed to dust and reveal because it is TIME to show this to Mother Earth, to this OTHER, that you are no longer imprisoned, that you do not have a “LIFE SENTENCE” and that you have never been so strong to take this step.

Amazing

Take everything away and innocence will remain. Knowledge turns into wisdom and suspicion into innocence. And to live in innocence is to see and experience the miracle of life as it is meant to be.

In silence first, then in the voice that you want to be heard and shown so that your Soul may support you, take you along on this Way, on this ROUTE de Soleil (the name of an express way in France from Paris to Marseille) where there are an incredible number of Narcissen (i.e. Daffodils) in all shapes and sizes, in all colour and splendour with their head raised towards the Sun.

ME is the magic word you see in every flower.

They are shining, they are laughing, and they see your Soul dancing on this field of Narcissen (i.e. Daffodils) without packaging, without decoration, just as it was meant to be.

And …  what do you think, do you think there are also Narcissists on this field of countless narcissen (i.e. Daffodils) of unbelievable joy, of Unique Pieces, of Countless Seeds, of Unconditional Love, of immeasurable Energy that incites the other to turn that one button and just go for yourself, your BEAUTIFUL SELF named “ME”.

Never apologise for who you are and what you stand for.

It is up to the other to respect your individuality.

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Poem: Piece by Piece

Below I have added two beautiful poems, which I came across to make these words speak extra to your Heart and Soul. I hope the English translation catches the soul and emotions of the original Dutch versions.

Piece by piece
I hand in
do more and more often
something against me
I boost myself
do not want to burden others
I do not want to do anything
that can affect another person

for a while it seems to be going well
yet I can’t keep up
because not be able being myself
takes a hefty toll
the built up tension
I no longer get digested
I lost myself
and get blocked

I thought doing the right thing
but for me it was so bad
now I am completely exhausted
by this inner struggle

the tension disappears
tears run down my cheeks
this won’t happen to me anymore
I now give in to my desire

I allow myself to be tired
not wanting or being able to
take the necessary rest
to allow myself something

this gives me energy again
and become at my best
only when I’m there for myself
can I also be there for the rest

Translated from “Vera schrijft puur”

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Poem: Sunbeam

standing alone in the rain
I feel shy
I feel the freezing wind
who finds my cheeks

outside it is dark and grey
there is not a single piece of blue
my umbrella I open quickly
but it then blows to smithereens

what a bummer day I’m having
let me this just quickly forget
I’m just unlucky
my umbrella I throw away  

but then something defeats me
a ray of sunshine, a piece of happiness
so you see, a sad day lasts only for a moment
and is but one part, of a beautiful life

Translated from “Vera schrijft puur”

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Theme Narcissus-Me: Inspiration

You get a new idea like a soft whisper in your heart. Listen and do something. This is inspiration from above.

In Silence, the Heart whispers to you something you could do to take the first step towards a New “Me” after all the misery, after all the humiliation, after all the immense sorrow, after all the loss of your own value, after all the loss of your Soul & Heart, after all the disbelief, after all the words of Soul Pain & Heart pain that you carry with you in every step, in every thought, in every word, in every action, in every gesture to serve the other until  the Soul Pain and Heart Pain becomes unbearable and your own Soul is as it were shrivelled by another Soul that made you constantly believe, see, feel, that you were the evildoer, that you brought out the worst, that you were the trigger in his Soul and Heart to project all the suffering onto you.

But if we look at the Soul detached from the whole as a human being, we see precisely that Love, unconditional Love that each one of us wants and wants to express because that is the purpose of existence. Love is the beginning and the end, but how this Love is interpreted is a different story. This is a book that each one of us writes, through the chapters that take place in your head, in your body and in your mind, there are many twists and turns that trigger you and that incite you to revenge, to hate, to jealousy, to envy and even to the destruction of Love in yourself and the other.

What turns out to be the answer to this trigger, to this introverted Soul that is so much pain, so much suffering, so much misery, so much disappointment, so much failure, so much neglect, so much sadness in his or her eyes that in the end you only go down the path of anger, sees evil and destruction and occasionally shows you the other side, but by a wrong word, by a wrong action, by a wrong moment, by a wrong something in the eyes of the Narcis(sist) the trigger is touched again in the ego of the human being, where the Soul can’t go any more than the wrong or bad side. 

Sadness, pain and even regret are words that the Narcis(sist) uses after all the misery, pain, grief is projected after a moment of self-reflection, insight.

However, this little gesture to the other person MUST be on his or her way and WHEN he or she wants to despite the pain and sorrow that has accumulated in your Heart & Soul and no place left to receive this LOVE because you are numb and see no exit in this dark long tunnel of tears that can no longer flow because you have let so many tears flow that this river of tears with all the rubble, with all the crumbled stones of your foundation, of all the dust, of all the cement that is already crumbling, does not see a ray of hope because this is now being offered by the person who brought you here, who has brought tears to this river and has not stopped his or her way of acting.

This river overflows, flows over its banks and covers the ground, the grass and the flowers with all this rubble, with all this filth that destroys even more in the nature of the people around you, your family, your children, your parents, and you name it to those who see you, who hear you, who want to help you in this whirlpool of destruction.

How to act in a Jekyll and Hyde situation, where you only know how the other person can be, how loving, how needy to you and only you, how sadly his or her story in the Book  of Life  has shared and still does in scarce moments that are vulnerable and give you the feeling that he or she is HUMAN, yet has a HEART and reveals his or her Soul.

 A projection of their own LOVE, of the piece of “ME,” which they need because they have always missed it and at times think back to moments when they reacted so angry and angry and realise that they don’t want to be like that at all, A BOOS HUMAN, no they want to be A LOVE HUMAN with all his quirks and whims and loved, heard, cherished, valued and these are the elements that keep coming back from manipulation the feeling that is triggered by whatever in the eyes of this Narcis(sist) in which the other person gets all the blame and all the rubble at her feet and that he or she has to clean up and think why he or she said that, did not say, did not do or did not do anything and, above all, come up with arguments as to why this is happening again after ‘all the lessons’  he or she has shown, all the rubble, the whole life of him or her and those of you and loved ones carries on his or her shoulders, only he or she knows how to act, when and how, and, above all, if he or she does not say so, or does everything like a house of cards col lapses.

It is thanks to him or her that everything runs the way it does, that he or she has to do everything alone, gets no help, only negative energy and that when she gives LOVE, he or she only gets a saggy  gesture or word or even nothing in return  while he or she does everything and more to keep everything running and that the other person is nothing without him or her .

The INSPIRATION: you get an idea like a soft whisper in your heart. Listen and do something. This is inspiration from above.

This soft whispering is your Soul constantly whispering to you, letting you see, letting you hear, taking you where you need to be, but we are not always alert, or so paralysed that we no longer have room to allow your Soul in your Heart and in Silence to listen to your own insight, your own Soul Message.

There is a lot of Souls’ Pain so you don’t know what to do to heal it because there is so much piece that you don’t know where to start by picking up the stitches again and sewing them properly so that they become one again. It is a patchwork cloth full of holes and rough edges that need to be hemmed, the holes filled or sealed together by your LOVE GUIDE, but it is finished. You don’t let the words touch you in a way that makes you precisely use this patchwork as a shield against all the violence inflicted upon your Soul and Heart.

Now it is TIME to carefully remove this patchwork so that you have space to fill the holes in your Heart and Soul with unconditional Love Glue, which you can and may create yourself again just by allowing this gentle whisper, step by step and little by little, making the patchwork beautiful again into a whole that will later embrace, warm and protect you in a way that you  have always wished-for.

This patchwork stands for your Power, for your Own Love, for your Activity, for your Courage, for your Steps of Inspiration so that the soft whisper may be heard, shared as a new chapter in your STORY OF LIFE.

Your story of life, needs you to make your Soul dance again, to make your Soul whisper as it should so that you can and may fill your own holes with LOVE, with unconditional LOVE that keeps everything in place and is the cement for a new foundation in your house, in your HOME.

This foundation is you, as if you have moved house and are allowed to clean everything yourself, arrange it, see it as you like in all the colours and scents that your Personal Touch gives you, in which you SEEELY will make this house feel like HOME.

We sometimes walk the way of life in a very peculiar way and this way of life has many side-paths and curves and even ravines, however, this way of life also has many paths that take you there in new encounters, in angels who are disguised, who help you as long as you keep listening to your own whispering of your Soul.

Be brave and courageous but open in vulnerability so that in all Silence you may listen to your own gentle whisper and shout it out, LIVE and GENIET as you wish.

You alone have been given the TOOLS of LIFE to fill in your UNIQUE LIFE as you wish in all simplicity, in all luxury. Never forget that you are alone even if it feels like it. Your Soul is always there, it always listens, will always help, and carry you wherever you are and whatever situation you are in.

Your Soul doesn’t judge, doesn’t condemn, just wants to show you the way you as a UNIQUE HUMAN on MOTHER EARTH with all its bumps, side paths, curves and unique encounters that make your life even more special where Serenity,  Purity, Honesty, Security  and Safety may live alongside Grief, Pain, Fear, Disappointment, hand in hand.

Hand in Hand we walk the way of LIVING in a way that fits in the NOW, is given and in the end this way will show you the Way you may and can walk in all the Love that is there.

Choose for yourself, choose Love, choose Unconditional Love, choose beauty, choose positivity, choose Self-worth, choose Together, choose Oneness, choose Authenticity, choose your OWN ROAD despite the bumps, but these are yours, only yours, cherish these and be thankful for everything that happens on this path of LIFE and go on, grow and blossom like that beautiful NARCIS (i.e. Daffodil) and show ME where you are, with who you are in all the purity and beauty that YOU BE!

In the end the other, the Narcis(sist), will hopefully open their eyes after you have made this choice and hopefully that on his or her way of life someone will meet who is the right piece of the puzzle that fits exactly on the void, on the holes in the Soul so that the soft whisper can also be heard.

We all need this precisely tailored piece to be who we can be, from the Source of Love, from the Way of Life that can only be walked by you.

Forgive yourself, forgive the other and fill the void, the holes with Unconditional Love Glue and let the Love Doctor help you by giving you the right recipe, the right plaster or the right treatment so that despite the cracks of Life, it can be ironed with a golden pencil to make it shine, shine, shine because that is YOUR LIGHT that will always accompany you, always assist you, always carry you, carry you where you are and with who you are.

Show that golden line and be proud of this golden glow that frames your Soul and makes it shine like those warm rays of the sun that also shine behind the dark clouds, only for you if you look with the eyes of this Soul and allow it to reach your Heart so that the golden glow will warm, embrace and always protect you from evil, from the unwanted, from fears or disappointments because this is your Source where your Strength is, where your Vulnerability is and where your Courage is hiding to act when needed.

So, don’t be afraid, because you are never alone! Your Soul is always there and so is that place. This is only yours and only you know how to find it!

Go in search, go on a voyage of discovery and listen to the soft whispering of your Soul so that all the steps you are about to take may be taken together,  will be Protected and surrounded by a golden edge so that when you are back in that dark tunnel, there will always be Light to walk your own path of Life and will give you Strength and Decisiveness to just walk on until the end of the tunnel where a warm ray of sunshine will warm and embrace you in all the simplicity and purity that nature has to offer and that is within you.

Love, your soul

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Theme Narcissus-Me: Achievements

Take the time to reflect on what you have achieved so far. It is often easy to forget where you started and how far you have come. Recognize the special journey your life is and be thankful for it.

In an ideal world this might be the ultimate to experience, but over time this feeling as basic as possible is sometimes impossible, sometimes unthinkable in the eyes of Black and White thinking. 

The theme Black-White thinking is the continuation of  the section Inspiration, as we may be the first to be inspired, be inspired by Nature to walk your own path with all its Black-White  Bumps in  the good sense of the  word.

Black-White  thinking is given to us, is imposed on us, is made our own in a situation when the  Narcis(sist) make the other person believe that there  is only Black-White and that there are no other shades of colour that make life, but above all it makes us more pleasant, more beautiful and so much more colourful.

Black and White
White objects are always colder than black objects. How is this possible?
It is because white objects reflect all the light. They do not absorb anything. Black objects absorb all the light. As a result, these objects warm up quickly.

Would it be so if you simply look at this reasoning, that like with a  Narcis(sist) it is usually about the dark side, emphasising the negative and especially the thoughts are fed from distrust – Black is the main colour and with the one who undergoes it the White prevails.    The White reflects the Light that is in the other person to try to understand that other person, even to try to change it in order to get rid of it, even to the extreme to let the White reflect on the Narcis(sist) so that it will be fed  by what is there .

As indicated, the Narcissus(t) would  absorb everything , all impressions, all emotions, all feelings, all behaviours, everything that is happening around them and has taken place would show itself in the Black while the other one has always seen and still sees the White, the Light in this darkness, in this dark tunnel.

When the  Black-White thinking also takes over from the other, the Narcis(sist) will be nourished and get it right on its side, so that the Black will increasingly be the colour in which it is lived, shared and experienced.

The cloudiness, the mix of these two colours gives the colour grey, which is significant in the existence of the other, next to the Narcis(sist) as the colour grey has already  become “the normal” Black and White,  making the Way of Life completely colourless .

While White is seen as the colour of innocence, purity, and peace. The colour has particularly positive associations such as purity, virginity, simplicity, stillness, calm, cleanliness, and clarity. White stimulates tidiness, symbolises a new beginning and purity.

While Black is associated with strength, elegance, formality, death, evil and mystery. Black is a mysterious colour associated with fear and the unknown. It usually has a negative effect. Black shows strength and authority.

The mix of Black-White turns grey;
Grey has something contradictory: it is the colour of the variable (fog, smoke, and clouds) but it is also associated with the imperishable and stands for stability, elegance and security. People with a penchant for grey often have an individual attitude.

The  Narcis(sist) thinks to believe in nothing but Black /White because of his fear and the unknown Black is present however by using his charm offensive , in silence & calmness after being evil the colour White is seen because the colour Grey in these two phases has in fact initiated the changeable behaviour, so that the other has absorbed all the evil, all the fear, all the unknown and all the mystery and is not taken in thanks if you do not join in  on His or Her wave of Serenity, Pureness and Peace in the eyes of the Narcis(sist).

Does this only play with this theme  of Narcissus(me) or do we actually see this in all layers of society where the word Racis(me) is still present today, even more so than before, or is it because it is now “in the open”  less  “Taboo or Shame”  which has made us realise in this Bizarre Time that we are all the same, in the same boat …  one experiences this as imprisoned and the other as liberation. Recognizable? Recognisable in life with or as Narcis(sist)?

Narcissism and Racism, very peculiar that these two words are so similar and yet also have the same characteristics as Black and White thinking, leaving no room for another opinion, another Colour, another Being through which the other person does not hear, see and feel loved, through which the other person no longer sees himself, no longer wants to see himself and no longer allows himself to be heard in the acceptance of life itself.

How far can we go? How far have we gone?

While each and every one of us has achieved so many accomplishments , just choosing this life on Mother Earth with all the bumps it brings, but also what your parents, ancestors often had to endure to give you this chance to make something beautiful out of it, so it seems only “normal” for you to observe, honour, cherish and wear it as a beautiful shield that you may protect, but also rejoice in being who you are, wherever you may come from. The footsteps you are taking are thanks to your ancestors who have also lived and lived the Black and White thinking, but as evolution progresses, hopefully they have also converted it into the positive, the Doing and Sharing Together, but through time, through Mankind, there will always be people who think Black and White and use it for their own gain .

What matters is to look together with the eyes of Love instead of the eyes of Hate to take away the Taboo, the Shame, step by step to indicate, of hey this is going on, this is happening in my life and I need HELP to give colour to my Life again because we are individually so beautiful, so colourful that there is no second person who has achieved this, experienced this or has experienced this.

Think for yourself, take the time to reflect on what you have achieved so far. It is often easy to forget where you started and how far you have come. Recognize the special journey your life is and be thankful for it.

That is easier said than done when you are in a situation where this is happening, but remember that you are not alone, remember where your roots are, remember that your ancestors also had to fight for certain things that we now see and experience as ‘normal’.

Know that there is always an opening in your mind as you mix the dark colour Black with the light colour White to create the colour Grey, giving you more space to silently see what you would need now to take a step towards the exit that will show Your Way of Life.

You do not walk your Way of Life alone; you walk it together with all the others who have gone before you. Life is a Choice of Colours, a Choice of Options that only you can choose. The Choice is yours. Think Black-White or go first to the colour Grey and a range of Colours will unfold as you take the Step to YOUR OWN COLOUR! 

Love, your soul

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Theme Narcis-Me: Adventure

Heart & Soul
When making decisions, keep in mind what your Heart and Soul tell you.
Sometimes our mind can deceive us. Choose Love, not Fear.

After the theme of Black and White, the question arises; and now what?  Which way do you have to go to find yourself again, or find yourself again? From the current situation it is difficult and difficult to see this Step as an obstacle and not as an Adventure. Explore the possibilities – explore YOUR Possibilities – there are many more than you can think of right now.
Don’t see things as Black and White but explore all the colours in between.

The colour that comes to you NOW is the colour you need to take this Step and perhaps it is in an imaginary form – in something you already see in front of you or in physical form – a flower, a word or something else that gives you Power and a sense of confidence or security to persevere and enter into the Adventure without Hesitation or Fear. Because those are the two evildoers who come around the corner.

The current meaning of hesitation is partly due to the resemblance (in form and meaning) to “doubt”. The main difference between the two is that in Doubt there must be two (or more) alternatives, while one can waver without having to choose anything at all.

If one assumes this meaning, then both do not apply, since there is indeed a choice – one very important Choice – and that is ME!

ME is central to choose for yourself with Heart and Soul and to enter the Adventure with yourself!

You will certainly Hesitate and/or Doubt, because this Choice takes a lot of Courage and Self-confidence to enter into the Adventure that you do not yet see or feel clearly, but this Step will actually show it, make it heard and make it feel. The Voice in your head will sabotage you, will make you Hesitate/Doubt and will let Fear reign because the Voice of the Narcis(sist) is still so deeply present in your cells, in everything you do, don’t do, say, don’t say and especially breathe, that this has become a 1st nature for you, putting Your Nature in 2nd place and putting it on hold to become number 1 again.

This Adventure will certainly show and make Hesitations, Doubts and Fears feel, however, know that these are well-founded emotions, feelings that find this Adventure terribly exciting because they can choose for themselves NOW.  They have the freedom to show themselves and let themselves be heard as they are meant to be and that is quite a lot.

The Narcis(sist) will always appeal to you! In what you have done, done, and failed to do NOW. He/she will approach you with his/her Charm Offensive in such a way that you will doubt yourself and that you won’t stand a chance without Him/her and that you won’t survive and won’t find anyone like Him/Her anymore.

His/Her life is put on His BOP by your Power, by your Self-confidence, by your Steps that you are going to take towards yourself and that makes them insecure and anxious but do not show this. No, they indicate that they have done everything they can to help you in every possible way – giving you room for individuality and especially encouraging you to choose if you want to. However, the Choice was never there, the Choice was taken away from you prior to the event whether it was something business, familial, or personal. 

They did make it clear that there was only 1 Choice and if you thought differently then you had to come from a good home and with well-founded arguments because otherwise it was all nonsense and especially a fabrication, an excuse not to accept something, Because that would mean that you do not take him/her seriously and he/she really does have the knowledge and know-how on every level because you have common sense or not and if you react that way Dom or Stupid it is either that you are not interested in what they say or that you are really that Dom/ Stupid, because what they say it is quite logical that it is the WHYLE.

SPACE for another Opinion, another expression of anything in the form of Love, Attention or Compassion does not count in the eyes of a Narcis(sist) – no it is whether one or the other – not Middle Way.

Now you have taken the SPACE that he/she has taken all this time, in your mind, in your Heart and in your Soul, and this void that has arisen you may now fill- Under Way in this Personal Adventure with all the emotions, feelings that it will bring with it. 

Know that you are NOT ALONE, even if it feels like that in the first place, because you may now SELECT for yourself, fill in your SPACE for yourself and DO & LATE whatever YOU want! How beautiful is that ~ ME – TIME -.

To show ME- ME Himself, to let ME hear ME Himself, to share ME Himself, to develop ME Himself, to see ME Himself, to feel ME Himself, to reward ME Himself, to enrich ME Himself, to admire ME Himself, but above all to love ME Himself as you are, as you always have been and to stand up for yourself like that beautiful Narcissus.

In the colour that suits you right now and you can put on as jewelry, as a warm blanket, as a beautiful New ME can put on and walk the Way of Adventure as you want. The way will show you which way to go, the way will show you what to do, the way will show you the directions from your Heart, the directions from your Soul and Touch in a way that will fill your Heart in that empty space and make your Soul dance as if you were a Child again with the open-mindedness and innocence that you saw when you went on Adventure. Every day is an Adventure – enjoy these Steps and know when you are struggling, homesick, feeling guilty, and experiencing loneliness that you now have a Choice that you will not just experience a second time and will not be able to make because this Choice is sent from your Soul and the circumstances indicate when you can make it.

Know that you will never be alone, even if you feel lonely and alone, know that we are there, and know that you have many people around you who will assist, carry and guide you on your Way of Adventure, but also know that this Way of Adventure has many bumps that you will have to take in order to eventually become ME. It is a Way of Adventure that we all take, but this Way is not just any Way. It was taken after a lot of Pain, Grief, Fear and the Loss of ME that made it impossible for you to “breathe” without the Lungs of the Narcis(sist), to Speak without the Voice of the Narcis(sist), to feel without the Heart of the Narcis(sist), to be Free without the Key of the Narcis(sist) and eventually to be, no longer existed without the Soul of the Narcis(sist) and to regain and own your Breath, your Voice, your Heart, your Soul and your Freedom is a long road, is a long process of trial and error, but know when you make this Choice that you will feel this right in a place that is only for you, in that hidden place because you are the Key, have turned the Key to a New ME! 

ME – Compassion; As you show more compassion with yourself, the Universe responds automatically by overloading you with more Blessings.

Me- Mystery; Together with the Sun, Earth, Moon and Stars, you are part of a Creation, a divine mystery unfolding. Be present and feel the power of the Now. Enjoy all the Miracles.

In the end we only have a long way to go and sometimes it is necessary to just take the steps to finally be where you need to be!

Do not be afraid of the unknown. This is a period of probing exploration and transformation. unknown territory leads to new horizons.

Be your beautiful SELF- be your own Narcis (i.e. Daffodil) – let ME shine through the right nourishment for your Mind, Heart & Soul so that your Narcis (i.e. Daffodil) may grow, blossom, scent in all the colours of the rainbow.

Let yourself see, let yourself be heard and show who you are in all the Ornate & Glory because then you will be at your most beautiful. You are a Jewel for everyone who touches you, who sees you, who hears you, who acknowledges, recognizes, respects and LOVES YOUR ME as it is meant to be.

Song of hearts ~ What does your heart say? ~

Your truth lies in the empty spaces between your thoughts.
Your truth shines through from your soul.
Your truth is infinite and unchanging.
Your truth is Love.

~~~~~

A Wizard lives in every human being.
In every Human heart the Power of Creation awaits to perform miracles. Small or Big Miracles, it doesn’t matter because for the Universe all Miracles are equal.
When you awaken the Wizard in your own Heart, it will bring back to you the memory that you have always been the WONDER of your own life. 

Wizard: a “wise person” – ME – who takes you through a complex procedure by asking you only the right questions & giving you answers at the right time. 

English for ¨Wizard¨ – ME – a series of steps to go through to set something up or perform an action.

All Tools are available, all supplies are in stock, all possibilities are there, all creations are there for you to pick up, all Love is in the process where your Heart will give you the right directions and your Soul will touch you where needed to show His Way of Adventure.

Love, your soul

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(119) Letting go of a narcissistic relationship

When you let go of a relationship with a narcissist, it means that you consciously take all steps to detach yourself physically, in mind, with your heart and with your energy from your narcissistic ex-partner. In practice it comes down to no longer nurturing the relationship to your ex-partner. Never!

Actually, letting go of a narcissistic relationship means that you do not nourish the relationship to your ex-partner in any way.
Letting go of a narcissistic relationship

Loss and grief take many forms and is unique for everyone. The same is true for letting go of a narcissistic relationship.

When breaking a narcissistic relationship, the difficulty is leaving the narcissist. The relationship was ultimately one major trauma, and everything you have experienced from one moment to the next has made you come out of this relationship not only with a broken heart, but also with a broken Soul.

Conditions for ending a relationship

To fully end a relationship, in my opinion, several conditions must be met.

There must be a physical separation. It helps when you no longer touch, meet, and hear each other. This means that you no longer live under one roof, so you will live remotely or in a completely different environment (street, city, region.)

It helps when you do not keep thinking all the time about that person. It is just like driving a car. You look through the windscreen at what lies ahead and what is coming at you. You also regularly check the rear-view mirror to see what is behind you and to determine whether this has any consequences for your future.
It is true that you look back, but not all the time. Looking back now and then is good and even important because you can learn from your experiences and you should not forget what happened in the past. It may prevent you from getting back into the same situation in the future. Either with the same person or the same situation with another one.

You should also be able to let go of the relationship in your heart. No matter how the relationship ended, or what your ex-partner did to you, no matter how traumatic the relationship was … there were moments that were fantastic and affectionate. Moments when your partner did everything to make you feel comfortable. There may even have been times when you thought it was the love of your life. If you keep looking at the loving and wonderful moments and you do not recognize the traumatic moments in your relationship, your heart is still connected to your ex-partner.

In addition, you must also be able to let go of the relationship energetically. In traumatic relationships it can happen that you are stalked by the ex-partner, physically on the street or via social media. It can go so far that the ex-partner mainly tells the positive version of the relationship to your family, friends or acquaintances and indicates in your environment: “I have no idea what is going on with him or her.” Which makes you feel completely misunderstood by your environment and will not give you the help or support you truly need. Those reactions take a huge emotional toll on you.

What it comes down to

When you let go of a relationship with a narcissist, it means that you consciously take all the steps to disconnect from your ex-partner. That means physically, in your thoughts, with your heart and with your energy. In practice it comes down to no longer nurturing the relationship to your ex-partner. Never.

To be brief, by letting go of your ex-partner in your heart and no longer thinking about that partner. Stop responding to messages, phone, email, etc. When you start thinking about the narcissist, try to find distractions so that someone does not get in your mind. If the narcissist nevertheless approaches you, try not to show your emotions. Showing emotions gives new food to the narcissist who will use it on you again. Cutting off all social contacts will help you on your way to healing.

The result is that you have finally really disconnected from your narcissistic ex-partner. As there is often so much misunderstanding in your environment, you can feel very alone, or even lonely at those moments. In any case, in these situations, try to find someone you can trust in and tell what is really going on.

Sometimes it can also be the case that you have no other choice than learning to deal with the narcissistic ex-partner because you have children together. In such a situation, try to limit contact as much as possible and continue to indicate your limits.

So, the answer to “How do I let go of a narcissistic relationship?” is not as easy as it seems. It takes an infinite amount of inner strength and perseverance. If you persist, it is the key to getting your life back. So that you can rebuild your self-esteem and self-confidence in freedom! So that you can learn to enjoy life again!

(118) Losing yourself

When you have finally reached the deepest point, you really cannot go any deeper, you are dependent on your own strength… and you slowly realize how powerful you really are and who you are. Only then does the restoration of your life, of your Being and especially the recovery of your Soul begins.

Losing yourself

Losing yourself is about the consequences someone has in a narcissistic relationship. Within narcissistic partner relationships it does not always have to be the man who is the narcissist… although it usually seems so… it can also be the woman… or even a parent in parent-child relationships.

A few months ago, two blogs about narcissism were published with many responses, questions, and conversations as a result. This blog tries to answer these.

The aim of the Foundation is to guide and support people in learning to deal with loss and grief in the broadest sense. Hence, we are not concerned with the narcissist and how you are diagnosed as a narcissist. What matters to us are the people who have fallen victim to the narcissist… who somehow got away from it and now have to deal independently with the traumatic consequences of the relationship… that these people are often only a faint reflection are what they used to be … the pain they experienced … maybe also mistreated … physically, emotionally and mentally … raped or worse. What we do is guiding these people and learning to deal with the traumatic consequences they have suffered within the relationship.

Can you recognize a narcissist?

How wonderful would it be that in advance you can recognize a narcissist? You could read books from psychology about that. But when you fall in love it just happens to you.

For example, I know the story of a woman who fell in love with a man who worked in the same department as she was. Her colleagues warned her that the man had a drinking problem. It did not help. The woman was head over heels in love with the man and her love was answered. After a year, the woman broke off the relationship. Curiously, her colleagues asked why the relationship was broken. Her answer was… yes, you guessed it… the man had a drinking problem. Love makes blind.

The beginning of a narcissistic relationship

In the beginning of a narcissistic relationship it is only roses and moonshine. Both you and the people around you think that you have the perfect partner… that you have found your dream partner. He does everything for you. He is sweet and caring. Want to know everything about you. Have long conversations to meet all your needs. Gives you beautiful roses. And let the whole world enjoy and see how good and caring he is for you.

But then it starts to itch, and the world declares you crazy

After a while, the relationship begins to change very imperceptibly. You are controlled… isolated… you may even be abused… physically, emotionally, and mentally… raped or worse. But in such a way that nothing can be seen on the outside … especially not for the people around you. Slowly, very slowly, you are beginning to realize that you are in a traumatic relationship. Then when you start to complain to the people around you, start to get emotional, they don’t understand anything about it… because the narcissist is still just as sweet, kind, caring and ready for you to the outside world. You get reactions like: “I don’t recognize it at all. He is so sweet and caring for you. Act normal, it’s up to you!” All they see is gosh… he is painting for you… a boyfriend standing at your door with red roses… he does everything for you… and then you are quickly considered as crazy. And eventually in your environment one after another starts to drop out and you are all alone… which makes it even more painful after everything you have been through. It is mainly the frustration and anger that you are left with because of the injustice … but also your self-confidence and uncertainty. The problem is getting bigger and bigger for you… because you are being broken down in such a way… that you only have the feeling that you are no longer worth anything at all… that you have lost yourself.

In the end, you manage to leave

Breaking a healthy relationship, for whatever reason, gives you grief and loss… you spend a shorter or longer time learning to deal with or perhaps even resolve your grief.

Breaking a narcissistic relationship is of a completely different order … more intense … more traumatic. You can hardly compare leaving a narcissist to be breaking off a healthy relationship. Leaving with a narcissist… where the relationship is ultimately one major trauma of everything you have experienced from one day to the next… there you come out with a broken heart, but this time also with a broken Soul.

And then it starts
Losing yourself is about the consequences you experience, mostly traumatic, in a narcissistic relationship. The narcissist can be either male or female.

The people around you still have little understanding for you and soon say: “Well be glad he’s gone!” You are too… it is not about that… but you are also concerned with the consequences… you have lost everything… and this time it is not just about the material, financial, or social part. However, after such a relationship there is nothing left of your confidence and self-esteem. You have lost your inner happiness, your Light and your Being. Those are not things you have after breaking up a normal relationship. That is why it feels so different. It is not only that your partner is gone… you have also lost yourself, that is much worse. Before you have found that again… your own Light… that is a vastly different, very intense loss process. Which in this case is a process that unfortunately will not be finished for a long time.

A rounding off

You come as a strong person in a narcissistic relationship, the narcissist does that for you. That is probably the challenge. Because if you are not a strong person, you are not interesting enough for the narcissist to feed the ego and they just walk past you. As if their life’s mission is to find a strong person who is full of life … and then eventually leave them with suicidal tendencies. And… then you also get the outside world over you. Instead of getting support … you do not get support … because your entire environment also attacks you … after all, it is all up to you.

When you have finally reached the deepest point in a narcissistic relationship, you really cannot go any deeper, you are dependent on your own strength… and you slowly realize how powerful you really are and who you are. Only then does the restoration of your life, of your Being and especially the recovery of your Soul begin.

If you are in this situation or want to get out, you can always contact us. For personal contact you can reach us at: info@mournandgrief.org