(71) True Love

Slowly I start to understand that concepts as betrayal, letting go or forgetting have no meaning within True Love. True Love is magnificent… it’s beyond comprehension.


At a meeting someone told me with quite a bit of emphasis that many, many people are going to be put on my path. My response to her comment I can still remember clearly. It’s not that necessary for me… I’m happy the way I live. As she somewhat disturbed looked me straight in the eyes, she stated that those people will be important to me. Not only to me but… also to themselves.

As an afterthought she gave the message that I had to move on with my life and that among those people also would be someone with whom I would enter into a personal and close relationship.

Wow, as if my life is on a standstill now. Although… maybe that’s true. Surely the course of my life path changed drastically from a technical to a human oriented one. And although the new path is not unknown territory to me anymore, I’m still feeling myself far from confident.

And… with new relationships the same theme appears again and again that on an emotional level my deceased wife plays a recurring role. Or… is it the other way around… is the problem not with her… but is it just with me?

A week or so after the meeting I suddenly smelled the perfume my wife always used. In addition to that I also strongly felt that she was with me at that moment. My skin tingled all over. You have no idea how happy I was.

With some difficulty a conversation started slowly. You may find this too bizarre but in my mind I had a strong feeling that I really spoke with my wife. She suggested that I… one way or the other… was allowed to move on with my life. That I can be confident that I already possess all knowledge that will prove to be necessary in my life. Though I need to keep practicing in order to use these skills confidently… or maybe better phrased… apply confidently.

It will be all right in the end… but small detail… I have to do it myself… whatever that “it” is.

She also suggested that a new buddy in my life would be good for me; after all we had agreed that with each other. The thing is though… my deceased wife is my Soul Mate! A new buddy would in my point of view mean a betrayal to my deceased wife, and not only that… it wouldn’t also be fair to that new buddy!

She indicated that I know this new buddy already for a long, long time… not in this life… but in many previous lives. I would recognize her as soon as I meet her! It would be like when I met my wife… it would be impossible for me to walk past her without realizing it.

On parting she repeated… confidence… keep practicing… buddy… don’t be afraid… just do it!

And with these words I remembered again the message from my daughter to me at her farewell: “Do what your heart tells you… and don’t be afraid of what you do!”

After that conversation the messages continued to arrive. The messages have a central theme… Love. In the universe in which my wife is living now the concept of Love has an infinitely larger context, understanding or meaning than in our world here on Earth. That she has a much better picture from her “current” knowledge and understanding how to deal with it than me, is an understatement. She always could. In that respect she taught me much, if not close to all she knew during our marriage.

shutterstock_92947726It feels as in the old days when she gave me a nudge in the back. But finding a new buddy… as much I would like to do so… even a tiny baby step I find really hard. Slowly I start to understand that concepts as betrayal, letting go or forgetting have no meaning within True Love. True Love is magnificent… it’s beyond comprehension.

At present it’s my view that in a new relationship, a relationship where one or both have been through the necessary rough patches in life, understanding and respect to and for each other should be the central theme. Understanding in de sense that one or both partners can have several people who are important to them or love. As long as this is not possible, the relation does not last.

From my point of view understanding is in that context synonymous to true love. And… true love… that should be always the case!

Author: Hans Fransen

Founder of the Mourn & Grief Foundation

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