(76) Acceptance

When you accept who you are, accept your abilities and can live with that, by using the most of your opportunities, then from my point of view you are performing at your best!

Acceptance, a word, with a very powerful and sometimes also oppressed connotation. A word that even can have a great influence on our lives.

But, acceptance of what? Is it about the acceptance of the other, the way he or she is… the way he or she looks or behaves… without any comment? Sometimes… but when processing your grief or your loss then acceptance is about yourself. Accepting of what you are or who you are. Maybe the next step could be that you’re content with who you are. The acceptance of your limitations. Accepting the possibilities, you have in life in order to do the things you… can do. Not those things you would like to do but can’t because these are outside your abilities. But when you can live with all the limitations you have… whether these are physical… or financial… or you didn’t have the education you would love to have… When you can live with what you have… that is acceptance!

shutterstock_131791328When you accept who you are, accept your abilities and you can live with that… also by using the most of your opportunities… then from my point of view you are performing at your best. Then, even if others have a different opinion, you do great. In order to do so, you do not need to be rich. You are wealthy because you accomplish what you want to achieve… with all possibilities and abilities that are available to you.

Whatever opinion the other has about you, though important in itself, shouldn’t interfere with the acceptance of yourself.

Acceptance can lead to a positive attitude and that helps you in not simply complying to the limitations and opportunities of yourself and the world around you, but in making use of all means and possibilities how limited or promising these may be for you by setting an objective that is achievable for you. It’s not the objective that is only important, but also the experiences you acquire on its path.

And what if you don’t accept or, not can or, you are not willing to accept? Then, you become bitter. Then, you push away people. Then, you’ll come at a point in life where you can’t or won’t accept assistance or help no matter how well intended. Then, you become lonely and it goes from bad to worse. And all your energy is being wasted in a losing battle.

For that reason alone, acceptance is vital. It leads to a positive attitude which can help you in making something beautiful out of your life!

(68) Light

Someone informed me that I should bring people to the light. I was speechless and got goosebumps all over my body.

Someone recently asked me if I was working with older people. “No,” was my response, “I’ve mostly worked with young people at my work. Why the question?” The person informed me that I should bring people to the light. I was speechless and got goosebumps all over my body. Many questions came up in my mind. The most important ones to me were “who am I” and “why me” and “why only older people?” Questions I couldn’t raise at that moment, let alone to understand the answers. At that moment my attitude was like… “come on” … “not right now” … or “act normal and stay on the ground with both feet.”

The message kept haunting me in the following days. Questions like… what if… and how… Most people who know me, know me really well, would say “He was able to solve most problems in his life so far. He will be able to solve this one too.” Thank you for your trust in me, but… personally I’ve a completely different opinion about this topic.

I’ve tried to ignore the message completely; it was impossible!

That’s why I will give it a try nevertheless and I also hope to take you on this journey of discovery. It would make my day when you provide me with your comments so I can keep staying on the ground with both feet.

In addition to the physical meaning light has also an emotional meaning in our language. At one extreme of the balance with The Light a reference is made to the warm and divine light of the Almighty. The other extreme of the balance is dominated by the gloomy light, as the light in dark cloudy weather that makes you almost sad or depressive. And somewhere in the middle of the balance has light, as when the Sun is shining, the meaning of joy, cheerful, loving, understanding and freedom.

Just to be clear, I actually don’t know what, who, or where the loving light of the Almighty is, but I have a strong feeling that it would be great to be in The Light. What is also clear to me is that The Light is not in our world; when that would be the case our world would have been much more peaceful with infinitely more love between people than we experience today.

And, how should I interpret in the message the word “bring?” Does it mean that I only prepare the “journey” for the person concerned and that he or she “travels” all alone? Or, is it the intention that I should accompany the person concerned on his or her “journey”; from home to The Light so to say?

In my culture we have concepts as: palliative care, euthanasia and terminal care. In this context in my opinion the “journey” of the person concerned is arranged partly and/or the person is accompanied for a part of the “journey.” People working in this field are very empathic; I have a lot of appreciation and great respect for them.

Yet I have a strong feeling that personally I shouldn’t seek for solutions towards palliative care, euthanasia and terminal care. What is more, I’m not even capable to freely travel at will between our world in which we live and the world of The Light of the Almighty.

It’s all very frustrating. Nevertheless, I can’t ignore the message and have a very strong feeling that I need to find a solution to this issue.

(UK-51) Post ImageBut, maybe I can consider this in a much more pragmatic way? In other words, much lighter. You can also guide and coach people from the dark gloomy light, where people are sad, to the joyful light somewhere half way the balance where people are happy again. When I approach it in this way then I can help translating sadness or grief into joy. Then I can help people to obtain new insights while removing the sharp edges of their grief so they can continue with their life. Yes, in this way I can bring and guide people to the light in our world. That would be awesome; both for me and for those involved.

(66) If You Let Go Who You Are, You Could Become Whoever You May Be

vlinder op hand - shutterstock_118291774“You have to let it go!” How often is this comment used insensitively? “You’re good, as you are!” Another one of those amazing one-liners…

But what can you do with comments like that when you are not feeling good yourself at all, as you are now? When you feel you do not matter, while you know in your mind that you do matter as much as everyone else? What if that feeling is so deeply anchored in yourself that you became that feeling?  “Then you have to let go of that feeling!”, is the most likely answer. But, that means concretely you have to let go the entire picture you have of yourself. One step further it means that you have to let go of yourself; to say farewell to your own “I.” To say farewell of who you were and to start searching for who you really are. Releasing the person, you feel you are, is frightening. Not electrifying, but real scary! Because in your belief, this is who you are.

Where does this story lead to, you may think as reader. What has this, perhaps somewhat troubled, desperate story to do with mourning? Bereavement to me means to reflect on what was in all its aspects and to give the associated sadness and grief a place in my heart. Not to forget, but to give room for new things, insights and experiences. In the event of the death of a dear one you often make not the choice yourself to say farewell. That choice is made for you, for example a disease. At a farewell to yourself you have that choice and which may be made consciously with your whole heart. I write very intentionally “may,” because “must” is not an option in this case. You don’t have to say farewell to yourself at all because you also have the choice to stay the same as you are today, including all those feelings of being inferior.  But wouldn’t you deprive too much of yourself?

Thanks to all those lovely people I have been able to gather around me, I’m now convinced that you really deprive yourself too much in that case! They made it clear to me that every person is a beautiful human being with good and less good sides. That each person has arrived on this world precisely as he or she is meant to be. My head knows this by now, but yet still my heart…

My head understands by now that I’m not the person I’m convinced I should be, and would gladly like to say farewell to that. But, my heart is not ready yet. It is still convinced that I’m the person I am, and that I would no longer exist as the person I should be if I let go. Because who am I when my heart does not belief the person I should be? That answer has my head neither and hence there is battle going on between my head and my heart. The “winner” has long been known, but the “loser” is not willing to give up yet; it’s too attached yet in old beliefs and fears.

When Hans asked me to write an article for his site, I already knew that I wanted to write about this topic. By writing about this topic I say farewell, not to myself, but to my beliefs. Because I have always existed and I always will be there. I am who I am and not the person I thought I was. But every farewell hurts and required time of mourning. A time of reflection, looking back and putting those happy memories in a little box. Then, all by itself there comes a time with new insights and new experiences. Until that moment comes I allow myself to grieve so my heart gets the time to heal and I can become the person I may be.


(63) Letting Go

Letting go doesn’t go without saying; it’s hard work. As I look back to those moments where I could let go, not only a concept as acceptance comes to my mind, but also trust.

loslaten - shutterstock_254651413Letting go has often to do with relationships. Not only that, also with the acceptance that you can’t do a number things anymore (for instance the loss of work, the loss of health or the loss of financial security).

Some examples:

In the search of who I am I’ve discovered important types of letting go that are related to how to deal with “mandatory” norms and standards from home, from school or from work, while these actually didn’t fit with me at all. Statements such as “that’s not done”, “that’s the way it’s done” or “no matter what, you have to do it.” In this way you wander away from your unique self and also from your path of life. The result is that you aren’t learning the lessons in life you should learn. The results could also be that you’re going to suffer the consequences later in your life by not being able to function properly anymore, or even worse, by getting sick.

Another form of letting go in stranding relationships you might recognize by the use of phrases like “I always must think of …” or, “I just can’t let it…” or, “I’ve had it with…” or, “that person still keeps contacting or stalking me all the time…” Use your own imagination to fill in the dots (…). One way or the other those phrases indicate that there exist a relationship and a problem (you might not even be aware of) between you and the other person. When you are using such sentences regularly and you are not addressing the topic, it can go from bad to worse. In the end the situation can become “explosive.” Of course the question remains whether it’s only you who is thinking along those lines; it just could be the case that the other one has a total different view. Anyway, it is important that you listen to your inner voice.

We all walk on a path of life that is unique for each of us. Life paths cross where people meet, for example passing each other on the street. At those moments you may greet each other, or not, but either way each continues on his or her own path without having emotions like sadness or grief as a result of this. You may even shake hands when you meet each other but, when you let go there is no (emotional) connection anymore. Or paths of life run parallel when we stay longer together or, even raise a family. Only when an emotional relationship exists between the two of you letting go can become an important factor in the equation.

Letting go can have different meanings. You can hold each other physically but, you can also hold each other mentally. In particular where relations are breaking up letting go can become an issue. Not only with relations but also when you change a job, or with re-organizations or, starting to live in another country or even after the death of a dear one. In this respect also words as homesick, loss or grief can be used. In any case, letting go plays an important role when changes take place and people find it difficult to accept these.

With relations it’s like each of you is connected with your own cord to the other. Only when each of you lets go the other’s cords then both of you can continue on your own path of life. When you don’t do that in the worst case you end up somewhere between both paths of life and, you are not able to learn the life’s lessons you should learn of you are pursuing. In the best case only one of you is doing so. Hence, for that reason alone letting go is very important.

Letting go also frees the mind and creates space in your feeling. Not only space, also air, light and happiness. You start to feel different, closer to your inner self. People around you can see it, can feel it. You can also feel this yourself. The light around you seems more beautiful. It feels like a liberation.

It might be clear to you, letting go doesn’t go without saying; it’s hard work. As I look back to those moments where I could let go, not only a concept as acceptance comes to my mind, but also trust.