Tag: lonely

(119) Letting go of a narcissistic relationship

When you let go of a relationship with a narcissist, it means that you consciously take all steps to detach yourself physically, in mind, with your heart and with your energy from your narcissistic ex-partner. In practice it comes down to no longer nurturing the relationship to your ex-partner. Never!

Actually, letting go of a narcissistic relationship means that you do not nourish the relationship to your ex-partner in any way.
Letting go of a narcissistic relationship

Loss and grief take many forms and is unique for everyone. The same is true for letting go of a narcissistic relationship.

When breaking a narcissistic relationship, the difficulty is leaving the narcissist. The relationship was ultimately one major trauma, and everything you have experienced from one moment to the next has made you come out of this relationship not only with a broken heart, but also with a broken Soul.

Conditions for ending a relationship

To fully end a relationship, in my opinion, several conditions must be met.

There must be a physical separation. It helps when you no longer touch, meet, and hear each other. This means that you no longer live under one roof, so you will live remotely or in a completely different environment (street, city, region.)

It helps when you do not keep thinking all the time about that person. It is just like driving a car. You look through the windscreen at what lies ahead and what is coming at you. You also regularly check the rear-view mirror to see what is behind you and to determine whether this has any consequences for your future.
It is true that you look back, but not all the time. Looking back now and then is good and even important because you can learn from your experiences and you should not forget what happened in the past. It may prevent you from getting back into the same situation in the future. Either with the same person or the same situation with another one.

You should also be able to let go of the relationship in your heart. No matter how the relationship ended, or what your ex-partner did to you, no matter how traumatic the relationship was … there were moments that were fantastic and affectionate. Moments when your partner did everything to make you feel comfortable. There may even have been times when you thought it was the love of your life. If you keep looking at the loving and wonderful moments and you do not recognize the traumatic moments in your relationship, your heart is still connected to your ex-partner.

In addition, you must also be able to let go of the relationship energetically. In traumatic relationships it can happen that you are stalked by the ex-partner, physically on the street or via social media. It can go so far that the ex-partner mainly tells the positive version of the relationship to your family, friends or acquaintances and indicates in your environment: “I have no idea what is going on with him or her.” Which makes you feel completely misunderstood by your environment and will not give you the help or support you truly need. Those reactions take a huge emotional toll on you.

What it comes down to

When you let go of a relationship with a narcissist, it means that you consciously take all the steps to disconnect from your ex-partner. That means physically, in your thoughts, with your heart and with your energy. In practice it comes down to no longer nurturing the relationship to your ex-partner. Never.

To be brief, by letting go of your ex-partner in your heart and no longer thinking about that partner. Stop responding to messages, phone, email, etc. When you start thinking about the narcissist, try to find distractions so that someone does not get in your mind. If the narcissist nevertheless approaches you, try not to show your emotions. Showing emotions gives new food to the narcissist who will use it on you again. Cutting off all social contacts will help you on your way to healing.

The result is that you have finally really disconnected from your narcissistic ex-partner. As there is often so much misunderstanding in your environment, you can feel very alone, or even lonely at those moments. In any case, in these situations, try to find someone you can trust in and tell what is really going on.

Sometimes it can also be the case that you have no other choice than learning to deal with the narcissistic ex-partner because you have children together. In such a situation, try to limit contact as much as possible and continue to indicate your limits.

So, the answer to “How do I let go of a narcissistic relationship?” is not as easy as it seems. It takes an infinite amount of inner strength and perseverance. If you persist, it is the key to getting your life back. So that you can rebuild your self-esteem and self-confidence in freedom! So that you can learn to enjoy life again!

(112) Her world stopped turning

No matter how great your loss and sadness are, how you react to it, no matter how long ago it was, what one thinks of it, there is usually a way to get out that deep valley, the valley if that great loss and sorrow. Of course, you don’t have to find the way out alone. You can get support, that is, if you allow it.

Her world stopped turning

Her world stopped turning. One of Monica’s breasts was removed because of breast cancer. For clarity, Monica is a fictitious name. About a year later she also lost her son to cancer, just before his 8th birthday. How harsh life can be. It’s so unfair.

How harsh can life be!

In the meantime, again a year has passed in Monica’s life.  She is still struggling with that great loss and sorrow. Yeah, who doesn’t? She’s still getting tired quickly and still can’t concentrate. Everything in life seems totally insignificant to her … especially when you compare that to that huge loss.

“Yes,” she says, “I can’t get anything out of my hands. I would really like to continue my life … but … I just can’t get it done. “

Panic

Panic strikes when the company doctor thinks Monica should be able to work again. Doesn’t he understand I’m getting tired quickly, that I can’t concentrate?

Panic strikes when people around her have an opinion about just everything. The death of her son is almost a year ago … the removal of her breast even longer. Why would you still have such an immense sadness? Shouldn’t you have processed your grief by now, right?

Panic strikes when Monica wonders how to respond to all those reactions. To her it seems that there are two worlds … the world in which she lives … and … the world in which everyone else is living. At times she can feel so lonely.

Lonelyness

It has been a while that managers and colleagues from the company she works for, regularly contacted her or stopped by. It seems as if Monica no longer exists for them. Apart from the occasional contacts with the company doctor and human resources, nobody contacts her anymore. She must find out everything by herself and even resolve it.

Why don’t they see me?

“Don’t they understand what’s going on with me?” says Monica. “Can no one give me a helping hand? Is that so much to ask? Is there no one who even understands how gruelling times are now for me? The question ‘how I’m doing,’ they ask out of social courtesy rather then they really do want to know the answer. Can no one even produce any empathy? “

“I’m struggling more than enough in coping with my loss and sorrow. Why do I have to consider someone else? Why don’t they have any consideration for me? Is that too much to ask?” Monica asks herself. “There’s no one who hears me. No one who really listens to me. Help! “

Cry for help

On the one hand, everything in Monica’s life seems utterly insignificant when you compare that to her huge loss. But on the other hand, she’s too proud to ask for help.

And yet … Monica wants, as she said before, to continue her life … but … she just can’t get it done. Her cry for help is loud and clear! A cry that should never be ignored! By nobody!

Monica’s cry is finally heard, and people have gone along with her step by step. Her world that stopped turning, got into motion again slowly but surely. The way things look now, Monica will be fine in some point in time. However, the “scars” of her loss and sorrow will never go away, with as result that Monica will look at the world differently than before. It’s just the way it is.

Conclusion
Hope glimmers on the horizon!

No matter how big your loss and grief is … no matter how harsh and emotional you respond to this … no matter how long ago it happened … whatever people in your area think about it or their opinions are … and how you respond to this (complex) entirely … there is usually a way to get out of that deep valley … the valley of that great loss and sorrow.

Of course, you don’t have to find that road alone. There are countless people who can help you with this. People like family members, dear friends, experiential experts, professional caregivers or people from your immediate environment. Central to this is that you are willing to ask for and accept their help. It is also central that they can and want to give you that help … and continue to give that to you if you indicate you need it.

However, before that happens, it must be clear that help is needed. That could be because your world is starting slowly to move again and you, the grieving person, eventually start to realize that you can’t handle your loss or grieving on your own. That it is also possible for all of us to assure that we do not leave the grieving, you, alone in processing the loss or grief.

In a nutshell, no matter what happens or how long it takes, all of us should, without exception, stay in touch with each other … if only to help each other when one of us needs help.